10 commandments...
Did you hear how Moses got the ten commandments? God was coming down the mountain and the first person he came across was not
Moses. It was a Roman.
He asked the Roman if he wanted any commandments?
The Roman replied, What's a commandment?"
God said, "Thou shalt not kill."
The Roman replied, "Hell no! We're a warring nation. That's how we make our living."
So God went on down the mountain. The next guy he came across was a nomadic tribesman. He asked this guy if he wanted a commandment. The guy replied, "What's a commandment?" God said, "Thou shalt not steal."
The guy said, "Hell no! That's how we make our living." So God went on down the mountain. The next guy he came across was Moses with a bunch of little Jews following him.
God asked Moses, "Do you want any commandments?" Moses asked, "How much are they?" God said, "They're free." Moses replied "Yea sure, we'll take ten....."
God and St.Peter...
God and St. Peter were playing golf one day. St. Peter teed his ball up and hit it. It was a real nice shot about three hundred yards down the fairway.
Then God teed his ball up. He took a big swing and hit it.
At first it looked like a real nice shot. Then all of a sudden, it hooked and started for the woods. Just before it went into the woods, a bird flew out and grabbed the ball and flew over the water trap and let it go.
Just before it went into the water, a turtle surfaced. The ball landed on it's back as he swam to the shore. Just as the turtle got to the shore, a squirrel ran out of the woods and grabbed the ball. Then the squirrel ran up on the green and dropped the ball in the cup.
St. Peter turned to God and said, "Are we gonna play golf, or are you gonna f*ck around!!"
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