Acronyms...
Computer jargon demystified
Finally, a cheat sheet for all those computer jargon terms... ;-)
Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers (MICROSOFT).
We produce Defective Operating System (DOS) in the past.
But when we learnt that Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity (APPLE), we restructured our company. We told our employees Do Expect Cuts (DEC) and changed our company objective into a Big Attempt to Seize Industry Control (BASIC).
We realized that using our products, Most Applications Crash, If Not, The Operating System Hangs (MACINTOSH). So after a World Wide Wait (WWW) we added Lots of Infuriating & Silly Parenthesis (LISP) in the code of our new operating system. From now onwards our operating system Will Install Needless Data On Whole System (WINDOWS) and report Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed (MIPS) to our users. But we felt that it is ok as the System Can't See It (SCSI). This is because our operating system runs on a chip which Produces Erroneous Numbers Thru Incorrect Understanding of Mathematics (PENTIUM).
However, we did try to make things right by introducing Garbage In Rubbish Out (GIRO)techniques into newer versions of our operating system but It Still Does Nothing (ISDN).
In order to recover our development cost, we still market this latest version of our operating system.
We lied to our customers that the latest operating system has Plug and Play technology even though we know that our operating system only use Plug and Pray (PnP) technology. We felt no guilt as we know our
operating system will Obsolete Soon, Too (OS/2). When it happens, we'll just introduce another new version of our operating system. We know that most People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms (PCMCIA), so we'll just use new acronyms for our old technology when we market the new operating system.
I never realized there was any problem with this strategy until my son brought a sound card and the Plug and Pay (PnP) technology crashed my PC. All my code for the next operating system is Reduced Into Silly Code (RISC) and now I know I'll Blame Microsoft (IBM) for it.
The top10 ways...
THE TOP TEN WAYS A COMPUTER GUY CAN IMPRESS HIS DATE
10. Flash the big wads of tens and twenties you created with your color laser printer and top-notch graphics program.
9. Spend an evening playing floppy disks backward, listening for the secret messages about Satan.
8. Invite her back to your place to show her the etchings on your Newton MessagePad.
7. Let the lady go first when you reach the virtual reality escalator.
6. Serenade her with your MIDI-compatible drum pads.
5. Have your dinner illuminated by the soft glow of an active-matrix LCD panel.
4. If you're getting serious, consider a set of "his 'n' her" system unit keys.
3. Drive her crazy by murmuring tender love words with the help of a French-speaking voice synthesizer.
2. Never type on your date's laptop computer without permission, particularly if the system is on her lap.
AND THE #1 WAY A COMPUTER GUY CAN IMPRESS HIS DATE:
1. When things get tough, simply ask yourself, "What would Bill Gates do in a situation like this?
(remember, this is a complete list, compiled by another person, not an
add-to-it-yourself list like in Top Ten>) |
