Airlines and sex...
Renting airplanes is like renting sex: It's difficult to arrange on short notice on Saturday, the fun things always cost more, and someone's always looking at their watch."
better to be a woman...
Q. When is it much better to be a women than a men ?
A. When you are in the lavatory and the plane hits turbulences.
God and Pilots...
What's the difference between God and pilots?
God doesn't think he's a pilot.
God's will...
If God had meant man to fly, he would have given him more money.
Smart student...
Scene: Student and instructor are on a dual, night cross country.
Instructor: Turns down the panel lights, "OK, you've just lost your lights, what are you going to do?"
Student pulls out a flashlight.
Student: "I get out my flashlight."
Instructor grabs flashlight.
Instructor: "The batteries are dead, now what are you going to do?"
Student pulls out another flashlight.
Student: "I get out my other flashlight."
Instructor grabs next flashlight.
Instructor: "The bulb is burned out on this one, now what?"
Student pulls out yet a third flashlight.
Student: "I use this flashlight."
Instructor grabs this one too.
Instructor: "ALL your flashlights are dead. Now what?"
Student: "I use this glow stick."
Instructor: "Sighhhhhh, just fly the plane without any lights, OK?"
The 33 Greatest Lies in Aviation...
The 33 Greatest Lies in Aviation
1. I'm from the FAA and I'm here to help you.
2. Me? I've never busted minimums.
3. We will be on time, maybe even early.
4. Pardon me, ma'am, I seem to have lost my jet keys.
5. I have no interest in flying for the airlines.
6. I fixed it right the first time, it must have failed for other reasons.
7. All that turbulence spoiled my landing.
8. I'm a member of the mile high club.
9. I only need glasses for reading.
10. I broke out right at minimums.
11. The weather is gonna be alright; it's clearing to VFR.
12. Don't worry about the weight and balance -- it'll fly.
13. If we get a little lower I think we'll see the lights.
14. I'm 22, got 6000 hours, a four year degree and 3000 hours in a Lear.
15. We shipped the part yesterday.
16. I'd love to have a woman co-pilot.
17. All you have to do is follow the book.
18. This plane outperforms the book by 20 percent.
19. We in aviation are overpaid, underworked and well respected.
20. Oh sure, no problem, I've got over 2000 hours in that aircraft.
21. I have 5000 hours total time, 3200 are actual instrument.
22. No need to look that up, I've got it all memorized.
23. Sure I can fly it -- it has wings, doesn't it?
24. We'll be home by lunchtime.
25. Your plane will be ready by 2 o'clock.
26. I'm always glad to see the FAA.
27. We fly every day -- we don't need recurrent training.
28. It just came out of annual -- how could anything be wrong?
29. I thought YOU took care of that.
30. I've got the field in sight.
31. I've got the traffic in sight.
32. Of course I know where we are.
33. I'm SURE the gear was down. |
